Mini Meee...and SO much more

It has been MANY MANY months since the last time I was able to post anything, and boy let me tell you..SO much has happened I don't even know where to begin! So here it goes...

After my last visit with the fertility clinic they told me that if I was serious I needed to consider a different method, something "stronger." The next option was to consider doing fertility shots (and if you know me you know that me even considering this is a BIG deal, I DO NOT do shots). At the time this sounded like I had no other option and I wanted to have a baby so bad I would walk to the end of the earth to make it happen. So I scheduled the appointment to start the process.

At the same time I was planning on spending my days stabbing my stomach with a needle I was also getting ready to start my new job. I was so excited to finally join the working world again and to start contributing to our family, and mostly to be able to do something other than sitting at home stressing and thinking about this fertility process. I went to my first Dr.'s appointment to learn how to inject myself with the medication and I also learned that in order to do the shots it required me to go into the Dr.'s office more often than usual so that they could monitor the dosage and the progress. After that appointment I realized that I was already planning on being in the Dr.'s office (and not in the work office) at least 8 different days out the month it would not be a good start with my new company. I made the hard decision to place the shots on hold for a few months until I established myself at work and got my insurance sorted out.

I could not believe how much I enjoyed my job and enjoyed what I did, that those few months I wanted to wait came and went as fast as night to day...and then a couple of more months passed by.  I kept trying to think of when would be a good time to start the shots back up, but something would always come up at work (some big project) that I could not even really think about it.

After a couple more months went by I noticed that I started feeling a little off....not like myself. I was crying about things I shouldn't be crying about. I was tired when all I did was sleep. My husband would annoy me more than most. I was eating and craving beef jerky?!?! What in the world could be wrong with me?

After coming to the realization that there was something weird about me I decided to take a pregnancy test. I had no hope that this one would be any different or have any other outcome from the many I had taken in the past, but I just wanted to take one so that I could rule out that possibility and move on to figure out what the heck was wrong with me. After waiting those couple of minutes I took a peak at the test and just as I was about to throw it away something caught my eye. There was something different about this test....there was a solid line and a slight hint of another...I knew it was a defective one, It had to be! I then proceeded to take 4 more....all turning out the same. I was still in denial..there is no way I am pregnant, I was told that I don't ovulate and therefore can't get pregnant. I rushed to my Dr for them to confirm that my pregnancy tests I took were all wrong and I was right....but I was wrong and the tests were right. I was pregnant! FINALLY! I could not believe it.....

Fast forward to today...I am currently 26 weeks pregnant with our baby girl and she is due February 14, 2014. Her name is Kimball Rose - a strong family name for a strong little girl. My husband and I cannot believe that we are blessed with such an amazing miracle and we are thankful each and every day for it. I have been dreaming and praying for this child for years and I am so grateful that I get to experience this miracle of life. As I sit here and write our story I can feel this little peanut (that is her nickname) move inside me and I can't help but shed tears of joy knowing God is truly amazing!

Mini Meee

Well it's been a little while since I have gotten my prognosis of PCOS, and I have been to the Dr more times than I can count, each time coming out with a higher dose of meds, and a new hope. I just got back from my latest appointment, and I am on the last/highest dosage amount. If this doesn't work, we will have to explore other options.

Throughout this process I have been very positive and hopeful, knowing that it was going to work. After this appointment, I feel emotional and like I may have a bigger problem.....and when you start to feel doubtful, sometimes all you need is a good cry....which is exactly what I did.







Now that I got that over with, I am positive, hopeful, and thankful again. I am grateful for all the things in life I have, and I know God has a plan for me!

Mini MEEE (cont.)

If you are just now tuning in..long story short: My husband and I have been going through a long process of trying to have a little mini me of our own. Unfortunately, it has been a long road of not knowing what is going on and why. Recently I started going to the Texas Fertility Clinic to start from scratch and see why we are having issues. This is where the story continues.....

I have gone to so many tests; from a simple blood test to an x-ray of my lady parts (and let me tell you that last one was NOT fun!) and finally after being poked and violated in so many different ways the Dr has finally given me an answer!!! HALLELUJAH!!!! drum roll please.......I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Which means that I have a hormonal imbalance that prevents me from ovulating and therefore reproducing. Though no one wishes they have anything wrong with them, I am happy that we finally know what it is, and it is something that can be treated. I am very hopeful! 

My Dr has prescribed me some medication to help me ovulate...wooo hoooo! 

Now its back to the three ring monthly circus of hormonal raging Uncle T.O.M (Time of Month), Wham Bam Thank You Mam, pee on a stick......uncle T.O.M, wham bam, pee on stick...uncle T.O.M, wham bam, pee on stick..... this time I hope one of these months there will be those blue lines or smily face....fingers crossed!

Mini MEEE (to be, one day)

So I have been debating with myself on whether or not to write about this emotional quest of mine, questioning if it is too personal for me to share. But then I realized that while I am couping with this internally that maybe writing about it will help me. Right now it seems like a very lonely road, and I know that there are people out there going through the same thing so maybe this will help you too.

Right now you are probably wondering what in the world I am talking about.....well to get there I have to tell a story first...

While my husband and I were dating and even right after we got married having kids to me wasn't really something I wanted. I used to think that if I got pregnant that it would feel unnatural, as if there was an alien inside of me. The thought of it grossed me out and I wanted nothing to do with it. I figured if my husband and I wanted kids that we could adopt or figure out some other option, but me pushing a kid out was completely out of the question.

A little over a year ago during a time of mourning from the loss of a family member, my maternal instincts kicked in high gear and hit me like a ton of bricks. I was holding my cousins new baby girl in my arms, and while she was sleeping on me I felt a longing to have a child of my own. Right after that I told my husband that it was time, I was going to get off of birth control and we weren't going to prevent anything .  I had the "talk" with my Lady Dr. so that they didn't ask those annoying questions of why I am no longer on birth control and the effects it can have, blah blah blah.....My Lady Dr. proceeded to tell me to just keep doing what I am doing but if I didn't get pregnant by Thanksgiving last year to come back in. The problem with this is that after getting off of birth control mother nature never kicked in. So after many months of not preventing but not trying, I had yet to receive my "monthly gift" (if one could ever call it that) nor a positive sign on a pee stick.

When I was getting ready to go back to the Dr. I had a flashback of a conversation that my best friend and I had many years ago, before children were ever in question. She asked me what I would do if I couldn't have kids. The funny thing is, is that I always had this feeling that it was going to be me. That it was going to be difficult, but I brushed it aside and put on a smile and told the truth. For my best friend I would do anything, and I told her I would carry her baby for her if she couldn't have kids and if I couldn't I would adopt. Thinking about this brought back that hunch, that inclination that getting pregnant was going to be a battle.

As I arrived to my appointment it was the typical Dr setting. You sit and you wait and wait and wait, even though you had a scheduled appointment 3 hours ago, but you can't just walk out and leave. As my name got called and I was finally in my room and I over heard the Dr saying that he had an emergency and needed to leave the office. The nurses told him that he needed to see me and to take the time to talk to me, and so he did reluctantly. I told him how my husband and I were trying to conceive but my monthly 'ahemm' had not come. He said very shortly that "it SOUNDS like you are not ovulating" and then continued to explain to me that he was going to prescribe this medication for me to take and gave me strict step by step instructions on when to take the medication and when to "get busy." This all seemed so very strange to me, why hasn't he ordered me to do some type of testing its not normal to not get a monthly surprise? why is he just assuming that this is what is wrong? But I did what I was told, and again it failed. 

Many trips back to the Dr and over a year later they finally decided that it was time for me to see a fertility specialist. I told them that I was not going to see a specialist in Florida, but I was going to wait until I got to Texas since I was moving in just a month. After having my Dr ASSUME what was wrong I was fed up with the Dr's in Florida and wanted to have a fresh start.

Just a few weeks ago I had my first appointment with the Texas Fertility Clinic, and we sat and talked about everything I had been through with my Dr in Florida. They were just as curious as I was, why hadn't anyone tried to figure out the reasoning behind my lack of cycles, since still to this date I have yet to be normal? As we talked they explained to me all the different testing they were going to conduct, and though it was VERY overwhelming I finally felt like I was going to get some answers, like someone finally cared what I was going through. Although we were going to have to start from square one, I finally feel like I am getting somewhere. 

This is where my journey begins. I want to write about it, to help myself and others who find themselves in the same boat as me. To try and cope with this emotional ride.